"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
