no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
