When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
