very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize