He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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