woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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