why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
