she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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