I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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