Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
