I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
