I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
