That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
