I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
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You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
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thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.