I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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