i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
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The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
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My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!