I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.