my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
sarcasm needs its own font
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
