you win again, gameday.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
