It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
