i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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