its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
