How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
