If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
