I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
