just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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