The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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