no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
