Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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