fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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