If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
