I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
