whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
