i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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