Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
