Where is the hickey?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
