I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
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From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
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I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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