Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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