You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Enjoy the penises
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
