I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
