apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
