i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just found puke in my bra..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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