the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I pour the whiskey from now on
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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