We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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