Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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