On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
