I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
