here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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