Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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