Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
