I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
