I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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