Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
