So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
