i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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