Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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