dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
