the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize