After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
