i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
