They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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