fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
