did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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