Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
