i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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