You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
