the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
